I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize