I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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