She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
