on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
