I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
