I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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