OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
