drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
