Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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