I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
