well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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