There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
