so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
worst night to have a conscience
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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