He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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