I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
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I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
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end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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