Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
