oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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