How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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