Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
