Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
