I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
