some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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