So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Houston, we have a blender
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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