just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
