there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The best revenge is premature balding
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
