Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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