"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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