I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
