I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Barsexuality is the new black.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Found the puke drawer
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
