I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
