How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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