he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
