We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
