i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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