so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
