If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
