i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
