my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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