All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize