I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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