He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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