We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
