You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
