we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
