woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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