Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
