I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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