now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
