If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
