Betty ford says i'm here all night
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
