I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
