Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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