Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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