I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
