I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
