First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize