well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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