we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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