I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
