used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
