I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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