Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
