so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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