he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
